IT SEEMS LIKE AGES SINCE I LAST BLOGGED. but owell, i decided to really abandon you once and for all, and this is my goodbye post i love you all the same for giving me all those loving moments through secondary years.
ive not been using my brains much, its rusty, its underused, and its rotting. ive never really exactly used them to reflect on things that happened to me, but somemore under the influence of my brother, i think i have to get things out of my subconscious. for myself, and once and for all, just me.
its the start of a new year, to be exact, the first term of the new year is almost coming to an end. but looking back at what i did, i feel as though its still 2nd Jan today.
i can say i enjoy school life so far, because ive been just sitting around slacking, but there is this "inner fear" in me yelling at me. its telling me why are you wasting your time like that, you need to buck up and change. you need to make use of your time, to do things productive.
so, i have to turn mugger mode on for two years, and prepare myself for the future.
truly, im quite amazed at how i changed in those four years, although i know deep in my heart, what has really changed, and what not. there were weird stages that i went through, and there are decisions that i made that i find correct, and some wrong. i have painstakingly lost something that might have been really dear to me, i have made a nice decision that i respect myself for, i have changed a lot because thats how rgs ppl shaped me.
i am unhappy with some changes in me, so i hope this two good years will change me once again. it would mould me once again into something different, something i'll love much more for it to be part of myself. i look back at my crazy self, i feel like saying hey that used to be me, but im all different now, and i hope you see it (:
i know how procrastination became such a trait in me that i find it so hard to erase it away. but ive got to try, i know ill find a way eventually.
and to look back at my sec 1, i did stupid stuff, but im glad i pulled myself out from it, and there was just so much that i learnt from it, im not sure if its helping me now, but somehow it benefited me i guess. it made me passive in some way, but i have to made do with that, i cant afford too much to give anyway, remaining passive is somewhat good (: at least, for me.
i learnt a good lesson in sec 4, and i happy with how it turned out (: i cannot push the blame onto someone for something that i have contributed to as well, i cannot afford to be dishonest, i feel so ashamed of myself for doing things that made me really sick and tired of myself all of a sudden, you come up with all sorts of excuses to escape from reality, you just dont want to face whats coming, and when it comes crashing down on you, you are all gone. i felt so disgusted, but im happy that this took place in sc 4 and not sometime later. i learnt this lesson before its too late. and now, i hope ill handle things better, much better than how i did back then.
and i guess ive finally figured out why ellec and i still remain as close as ever, although there were really bad times, and how i really used to hate her for who she is, its all over now, and i got it all figured out. she seems like such a independent soul, when deep down she isnt, she sought comfort by doing things that were beyong my understanding, how she crossed the line and did something bad but turning back to realise what went wrong. despite all that, she actually contributed greatly to the moulding of my character. i look up to her strong character, although i may disagree with things that she does. so im close to her, but i still get irritated at times. but no doubt we'll remain close. its how, i see a mini reflection of myself in her, not totally, but some parts in me that i hold so dear to myself that is so identical to her, that makes us really inseparable. (: i love you ellec, not matter how much you irritates me, or wtv. i was really touched when i read through your blog this afternoon, the post you dedicated to me just after beijing immersion gathering. i was so touched i almost cried. loveyoumucchhies.
im happy that i have such a lovely bunch by my side, i hope someone will be there for me whenever i need it, and i'll be there for you all as well. xD
i have so much more that i wanna say, but i guess i'll keep it to those who need to hear them for now, BYE lovely. (:
Sunday, October 07, 2007 @ 4:54 PM
it took 2 months plus for me to come up with a new post so erm. here goes? (:
lots of things happened in this 8 weeks or so. i went into mugging mod for a week and embraced EYAs. like WHEE. the end of secondary sch! (but nah not that i'm anticipating whats to come) quite disatrous for me. but its over at last.
then options. anyway i got all my options and they are generally fun. like you get lots of practical outdoor fun for flight, plus lots of movie watching for hollywood. but BBE is a killer. we had to read through like 100+ pages of writings. that gave me a headache but nvm. its still fun LOL. xD
then i'm free from 11 to 2 almost everyday, so we walk to far east and have our double sweettalk at our small little corner. we were so cute that ppl wanted to take photos with us. HAHA. xP
ppl smiled at us, ppl said hi. just lame. but it became our rightful corner and we dun have to pay rent for it~ WAHAHA.
then on sept 21?22?23? rong told me.
SUPER JUNIOR GOT NEW ALBUM. then i was like wahhwahwahwahhh really ah! then we saw the MV.
then i saw my beloved donghae for the first time in ages? and fell in love with him again. SO another round of HUACHI-ing starts for me.
and i think this time its the craziest ever? or maybe not. huachi-ness is just in my genes. HEH. but back to donghae. he's so cute and lovable<333
and qian likes suju and donghae now too. xD
so now, i shall go off and continue huachi-ing~~~!
seeyA. lols
Tuesday, July 31, 2007 @ 11:06 PM
you know sometimes time fly past so fast, its nearly the end of the year for us. i mean, after 3+ years of getting use to a big crowded place, its time we move on again. today was our last photog session. and mrtee asked us what was our amibition. to lead a happy life. was sorta my reply.
he defined what you want to be as a dream, but he defined ambition as to do be doing something that no one has ever done before, because we are actually shaped by our amibiton.
he said to be happy isnt strong enough, happiness is just a state of mind. but sometimes, you have to realise, everything you aim for, at the end of the day. is something that makes you happy.
I dun want to be some big shot, make it big and forget what real happiness is. Neither do i want to do something till I am the best, because stress comes in after that. He said to leave a mark in your own life, for yourself to create memories that you are fond of. but then at the end of your life, when u look back. so what if you did achieve that much. at the end of the day, we still have to leave this world with what we came with. which is nothing.
so it brings me to the point that, i think happiness is the most impt thing in the world. even if it is just a state of mind. because you might be 一事无成 at the end of your 100 years of live or shorter, but you can be happy being a 一事无成 chap. you can be contented with living your life without big ambitions, because so what if amibitions have defined you?
happiness being a state of mind, can never be fulfilled. i just hope to be free from what bounds us to life. if we have an amibition, in a negative way we are DRIVEN by our amibition.
you get what i mean. i just wanna say. sometimes, ppl need to learn to accept failures, and do not regret even if u did not put in your best, or rather not live up to your own expectations. because regrets does far less than making you feel bad. and sometimes, do much lesser without expectations, and you might just see yourself feeling good about things.
for now, make as much mistakes as you can and get away with it, because in future you wun be let off so easily.
ALAMAK. i am not making sense. whatever.
i just wanna be happy. a simple life. get married and get a couple of kids. make sure my kid gets the best care, and definitely LOVE. and let my life revolve around my kids. be contented with seeing them grow up. and love them with all my heart.
sometimes, the most ambitious people can get the most cruel and heartless. sometimes, the simplest chore can be the most difficult. sometimes,you just have to settle down and make sacrifices for other people.
if everyone was to have a amibition as big as [inserts random 伟人's name], the world would be chaotic.
stay happy(:
anyways, was watching 金田一. really interesting. xD but nothing much to say about the male lead. ): LOLs.
and a sidenote. ccs and jbr won! okay i know this is outdated info. but (: i'm happy!
你变得不能再对我坦白/ 你学会欺骗去面对现在; 我变得像不懂事的小孩/ 求一个你不肯给的依赖
Monday, July 09, 2007 @ 11:39 PM
HAHA. well he sang this song and it was FABULOUS. o(=^.^=)o
HIS CUTE SMILIES.
ah.
my love my fate you will fade away 以后隔天与地 I love I hate I'll miss you always 我永远亦爱你 太美好的东西 会走 还未爱够了你 怎放手 从来不肯假想 失去你那感受 我这对脚 怎麼走 从来并未练习过温柔 迟学你或已经没法接受 然后你会说我跟她分左与右 谁希罕造种手拖手 my love my fate you will fade away 再没有恋爱味 I love I hate I'll always be afraid 永远也害怕你 我要首先讲声 我走 还是爱到你说 请你走 如果讲一声 请照顾 我感受 我最怕你讲出口 从来并未练习过温柔 迟学你或已经没法接受 然后你会说我跟她分左与右 谁希罕造种手拖手 下次开心已要靠自己 下次顶多饰演好知己 其实再次见你 真需要 靠演技 也要你我好心地 my love my fate you will fade away 过去当做看戏 世界当没有你
haish. his voice just sodamngood for sad songs. <3333
makes me really sad and cry-yy. T_T
<3 yile <3 haoming
我就这么爱上了你。 夏日的落世天使。 我的王子。
Monday, June 25, 2007 @ 9:20 PM
i am feeling so ........T_T
i think there's something wrong with me. just how bad i am at expressing myself. really. wronggg.
