the differences in our thoughts gets it really difficult for me to tell you some of the things that i do. i know yes, you feel bad about me not telling you, but sometimes you have to understand there are things that i dun want to share just yet. i dun want more people getting invovled cause i wasnt sure about anything that is happeneing either. haha. yes i admit some parts of what you say MIGHT have been true, foe eg the part about my feelings (this part is really carn figure out gah!). yes and i told you in the end not because i tell you so that you would not find out for yourself and be angry at me. i say things after they are done because i know true friends dun need an explanation. i dun like to say things before i do it cause i dun like to hear about suggestions after i have made a decision. it gets me thinking again which will turn me mad once again and yea i dun like it.
i dunoe how to explain this to you. but i wish you would understand. even the closest friends needs private space. i dunoe how to put it but yea. i admit i'm timid. i'm a coward. you realise i dun reason with you much, cause i know once there's a difference in thinking, you will try to persuade me to think in your way, or even maybe agree with you. but it's tiring me. it's really really getting me tired. maybe you just tend to put down what other ppl thinks and it kinda scares me i dun feel like saying things anymore. or maybe you werent trying to put them down, but it sounds like. and i dun like it.
the feeling of being cheated should not have been coming out from anywhere, because you know me. even when i denies it, i know you can see through it. so do not come to question me or anything just try to understand i'm not ready to share. any confrontation just gets me more tired to speak.
i hope you dun feel bad about this thing. because what you did was right. you asked if there was any regret, i told you "no", but to be honest, it's a combination of yes and no. but i want you to know that i appreciated what you did, because it really helped me, and i would not be where i am now w/o you. and i know in the long run, i would totally love you for being there for me. about the yes part. it's getting me scared of myself too. it seems like suddenly i lost the faith in me. i'm not that happy lively innocent girl who still thinks that things are all bright and beautiful anymore. i dunno why, but i seems as though faith is draining away from me. i am getting more and more drained by the day. i dunoe what will happen when all's gone.
"you gotta hold that faith and wait longlong" yes i will. but i'm scared.
i'm scared. so i want assurance. i want to rely on someone. i want someone to be there. i WANT a shoulder to lean on. am i getting more and more superficial? cause i'm getting the idea that i am, and it's scaring the hell outta me.
i need a hug now. desperately.
all the right lines said at the wrong time all the real scenes played with the wrong guy all the drama gives away our foolishness but all you will still have is me, so stop that confusion and come away with me. i will tell you that i love you soso more than drama tells. thanks, i love it.
